PANININDIGAN: A Son's Eulogy for his Mom

 

Blogger's Note:  On the 13th day January in the year of our Lord 2021, my dearest wife Marianne passed away. It was a Wednesday. The Sunday after she was buried.  My son Marcel was one of those who delivered a eulogy.  The word eulogy comes from two words in Greek, namely "eu" meaning good; and "logo" meaning word. If translated literally, a eulogy  means a formal expression of praise.  Sharing here the sincere and thoughtful words of Marcel for his loving mom. Truly, my wife is smiling up there in heaven with great joy.          

Good evening. I hope you can bear with me switching between English and Filipino for this as I wanted this speech to come from the heart.

[Thanksgiving]

I'd like to begin by first giving thanks on behalf of the family. Many of those I wish to thank are understandably not here with us right now but that doesn't diminish the role they've played in my mom's life in the slightest. Thank you to...

...my mom's childhood friends and classmates in elementary and high school for being part of my mom's development as the truly wonderful person she came to be.

...my mom's former colleagues at Energizer and Phelps Dodge who enriched her career and made testament to her indominable working spirit and her even more indominable heart.

...my mom's friends and colleagues in Octagon, Jollibee, and Bemade for giving her purpose and drive in her final years after her retirement. I can never forget the last time you visited the house and invigorated her with life.

...those who paid their respects and expressed their condolences, physically and digitally. It is awe-inspiring to see how many people's lives she's touched in her 52 years.

...the friends of the family who are here for us in these moments of uncertainty and grief.

...our extended family, Isay and Joshua, Ate Sally, Tita Ne, and so many others, for continually supporting us, especially my mom, through hard times.

...the de Lima, Lingat and Gomez families for their relentless generosity, support and love for my mom.

...Mamita, tita Divine's mother-in-law, especially for being so kind as to provide mommy's final resting place. You loved my mom like a daughter and she loved you back.

...to the medical professionals, doctors, nurses and technical and custodial staff, that worked on my mom's healthcare. It's thanks to them that we were able to spend so many extra years with my mom.

...to our drivers, Kuya Philip, Kuya Samuel, Kuya Fernan, Kuya James, and helpers, Ate Tering, Ate Nelia, Ate Jonah, Ate Janet, Ate Jane, Ate Francia, who diligently took care of Mommy, made her life comfortable and filled her life with laugther and cheerful banter. You're as much a part of the family as any of us.

[MYMP]

Now onto the main part...

For the past few days, I found it really hard to make sense of my emotions.

Today, as I wrote down these words, I still had yet to really comprehend what I'm feeling. There's just so many emotions swirling under the surface that overwhelm me, much like what I'm sure my dad and titas are feeling as well. I feel sadness for her passing but also relief that she's now free from her suffering. I feel regret for the times where I wasn't a good son and accomplishment for the times she expressed her pride in me.

But if I were to focus on only one of the plethora of emotions, it would be conviction. Paninindigan. I want to make my mom proud. I want her to be able to say "that's my son." I want her to tell my grandparents in heaven that she raised a son that surpasses her expectations and fills her with pride. I chose this emotion because it is the most straightforward one and the one emotion that shone above the rest as I watched my mom breathed her last. It was the content of my final words to my mom before she closed her eyes for the last time.

Many of you probably already know that my career goal has always been to become a lawyer, much like my grandfather and tita, both exceptional lawyers that didn't compromise their principles in the protection of justice and human rights. Many would think that to make my mom proud, I would have to get high grades, get through law school, become a lawyer and be a good lawyer. But my mom was actually quite neutral on me becoming a lawyer. Sa katunayan, tinatanong pa niya parati kung talagang gusto ko ang mag-abogado. Instead, mommy was adamant that what would truly make her proud is not quantified by achievements, grades, or career milestones. While these are important, my mom always said that to make her truly proud, I would need to be smart, mature, kind and responsible.

These are qualities I believe she exemplified in her life and are what I want to talk about today because I believe the best way to talk about my mom from the perspective of her son is to talk about the example she's left behind for me and others to follow.

[Be smart]

Smartness, according to my mom, is not synonymous with intelligence. Smartness, instead, is more like a combination of practicality, street smarts, common sense, and rationality. Most of what is important in life cannot be found in the books, or learned in a classroom. Books, classroom lessons and diplomas are still essential but do little to equip people for the real world and for being a good person. My mom commended me for being intelligent but she wanted me to be smart more than anything. She said that it was okay even if I didn't achieve high grades for as long as I was smart.

In a way, she lived by this philosophy. She never bragged about the subjects she was good at in school. Quite the opposite. Parati niyang pinag-usapan ang mga subject kung saan siya nahirapan at ang mga paraan kung paano ang ganitong paghihirap ang nagturo sa kanya kung paanong tumugon sa mga ganitong hamon. Those who've worked with her that while she is quite the talker, she is most definitely a doer. She always found that real-world experiences and actions far outweighed the academic or work achievements written on paper in terms of significance and usefulness.

[Be mature]

Likewise, she also emphasized to me the importance of emotional maturity - the ability to be sensitive about the emotions of others and to be in control of our own.

My mom was not quick to anger. Though I often got scolded for my mistakes and shortcomings, she wasn't excessive. Though she was often very stressed, she was aware of her behavior and didn't use that as an excuse to hurt others. If ever she did lash out in stress, she would always quickly apologize.

She was also known for her emotional fortitude. She didn't let adversity break her down. Sure. There were moments of emotional distress and darkness but she kept fighting to the end in spite of that.

Such maturity is important in life because it, like practicality learned through experience, equips us for the hardships ahead.

[Be caring]

Mommy was also immensely caring. Ma-aruga siyang tao. She would help people in a heartbeat. But what's truly amazing is her emphasis on doing more. When a relative or friend was in need, she always emphasized that one must do the most that one can do others. It can be a simple task or a very large one. She would help to the best of her ability always.

This was something she emphasized a lot. She would remind me to take the initative to do more than what is simply asked. To make decisions for myself on how to help instead of just waiting for someone to order me.

She was also immensely accomodating and friendly. She loved talking to people about whatever though she denied it. It can be a stranger or her own family members; she'd always find a way to turn a simple hello into an hour long conversation that would have to be interrupted by either me or daddy reminding her we had somewhere to be.

[Be responsible]

Lastly and arguably most importantly, she emphasized responsibility as an important character trait. She wanted me to be responsible for myself and for others. She wanted me to be responsible for my actions, to see things through to the end and to commit myself to my duties.

I think many of us, especially her coworkers can testify to the fact that my mom exemplified this very well. This needs no explanation.

[Conclusion]

These are the lessons I will carry into my adulthood. In a way, these are very critical traits especially for a lawyer. In the end, my mom left behind through her memory and words the guiding principles of the rest of my life.

When she was still with us, she wanted to see me graduate. I likewise want to see her proud of me as I walk down that aisle. I wanted her to hold my diploma with pride for her only son. I wanted her to see me be the lawyer I had always dreamed to be. While she can no longer be there physically, I pray she watches over me from heaven as I make my way through life. I pray that when she looks down on me from heaven, she will see a Marcel that she can be proud of. A lawyer that is smart, mature, kind and responsible.

So mommy, panoorin mo ako. I love you. Be at peace.